When reports of a high-profile act of violence hits the news, parents and teachers can feel at a loss for how to broach the topic with children who may feel in danger or worry that their loved ones are at risk. Here are seven tips to remember when talking about school violence in a way that’s both informative, and helps a child feel safe:
1. Prioritize Making Time to Talk
Wondering what to say? Let a child’s questions be your guide as to how much information is appropriate to provide.
It’s also important to be patient. Not all children readily talk about their feelings. Keep an eye out for signs that a child might want to talk, such as:
- Hovering around while you’re doing daily tasks
- Extra time spent on creative outlets such as writing, drawing, or making music
Some children won’t express their concerns verbally, so it’s important to keep a close eye out for changes in behavior including eating and sleeping patterns. If you’re struggling with how to help a younger child open up, an activity such as picture books or playtime can help him or her find the words and feelings they want to express.
2. Reassure Them That They’re Safe
Once the conversation starts, listen to their concerns. It’s important to validate their feelings, even if there is no potential risk to their safety. Instead of correcting them, let a child talk about his or her feelings, put it in perspective, then reassure him or her that schools are very safe.
3. Know What’s Developmentally Appropriate
Early elementary children respond best to brief, simple information that is balanced with reassurances that their school and homes are safe, and that the adults in their life will protect them. Give children this age examples of school safety such as doors being locked, playground monitoring, and emergency drills that they can see for themselves to reinforce their feeling of security and control.
Upper elementary and middle school children are often much more vocal, and may even need assistance separating reality from fantasy or overblown fears. When speaking with a child this age, discuss school and community efforts while listening to their concerns.
Upper middle and high school students are most likely to have strong opinions about the causes of violence. Along with those opinions, children this age often want to share concrete suggestions about how to make their school safer, and how to prevent tragedies at large. Encourage your child to communicate any personal safety concerns and to always feel comfortable reaching out with ideas or to seek support for his or her emotional needs.
4. Review Safety Procedures
After you have listened to your child, put their fears into perspective, and offered reassurances, use this time to review safety protocols. Help them identify at least one adult at school that they can go to if they feel help is needed, as well as what to do if they ever feel unsafe.
5. Limit Their Exposure to News Coverage of the Event
Be aware when a television is on that breaking news about the event may interrupt even family programming, since developmentally inappropriate information can cause anxiety or confusion — particularly in young children.
6. Try to Maintain Their Normal Routine
Keeping to a regular schedule can be reassuring and promote physical health. Ensure that children get plenty of sleep, regular meals, and exercise. Encourage them to keep up with their schoolwork and extracurricular activities but don’t push them if they seem overwhelmed.
